


Simple Plan

by DanceWithMyWife



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Episode: 3x13 Red Alert, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship, Friendship/Love, General, Romance, TM Discord Challenge, alternative version
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanceWithMyWife/pseuds/DanceWithMyWife
Summary: Alternative version of 3x13 Red Alert. What if Lisbon had been inside the City Hall with Jane during the hostage situation?Written for the TM Discord Challenge!
Relationships: Patrick Jane & Teresa Lisbon, Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Simple Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,  
> here's another challenge story. I quite like this one, it's a little longer than most of my stories. Also may be a little OOC at the end. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I borrowed a few dialogues from the episode but I don't own them!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)

She knew that it’s going to be a difficult case the moment Rigsby said the ‘magic’ sentence. _We're due an easy one,_ pffft _right._

“Agent Lisbon, we may have something. One of my officers is engaged in a pursuit off a traffic stop. Driver was acting crazy. Could be our guy,” Chief Nail said and she immediately knew just who that guy could be.

“Don't say a word,” she told Rigsby even before the Chief finished his sentence.

“...the vehicle is a blue Citroen. About 30 years old. California plates.

“See what you did!” This time she raised her voice and almost whined at Rigsby.

***************

“Come on, it’s not that bad! I haven’t done anything illegal!” Jane exclaimed as he jogged behind a pissed Lisbon.

“ _'_ _Aren't we all part of the Justice League? Do you think Aquaman would give Batman a ticket?’_ What are you? Five?” 

“How do you know about that?”

“Officer Rowley informed me about your ‘excuse’ to avoid getting a ticket. I mean, could you at least pay the speeding ticket like a normal person so I don’t have to fill in a report for that too? Can’t you make my job and life a little easier?” Lisbon was close to whining again and she didn’t like it.

“Woah, what’s with you today? You’re more annoyed than usual.”

“I’m annoyed because we just started this case and it’s already getting complicated!”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that-“

“Oh stop! We both know you’re not, you like to see me suffering.”

“That’s true, but only when _I_ am the one that makes you suffer,” he said truthfully.

“But you _are_ the one that is making me suffer right now with your idiotic excuses and stunts! Now come on, Cho and Rigsby are gonna talk to the suspect, Ron Crosswhite while we go back to the office,” Lisbon huffed and went to the car. Jane went to his own and sighed, _it’s gonna be a long day_ , he thought to himself as he started the car and followed her. 

* _The next day*_

“I got the warrant for Crosswhite’s house, let’s go,” Lisbon said the next morning as Jane exited the elevator.

“Great,” he said and made his way to the break room for his morning tea.

“Not so fast! You’re going to the City Hall to pay for your ticket and I’m going with you.”

“What? Oh come on Lisbon! I told you I’m not going to pay for that stupid ticket!”

“I know, that’s why I’m going with you, to make sure that you’re _going_ to pay for it. Come on,”

she grabbed him by his sleeve and dragged him back to the elevator, a chucking Rigsby and smirking Cho followed.

***************

“Come on, you’re acting like a 5 year old!” Lisbon huffed as they stood in front of the City Hall but Jane refused to go inside.

“Don’t make me drag you inside like a kid!”

“Lisbon you’re using a lot of children’s descriptions on me today. I mean, I know there’s the mother instinct inside of you because of your brothers and all, but don’t you think that I’m a little old to be your kid?” Jane teased as he remained standing outside.

“I wouldn’t act like your mother if you stopped to act like a baby! Now come on before I drag you inside by your ear!” She exclaimed and made her way inside. This time, Jane followed because he knew that she was capable of actually grabbing his ear and taking him inside.

**************

“Well, I would like to pay this ticket - but under protest,” Jane said as he _finally_ came inside and Lisbon rolled her eyes. _Idiot._

“Nobody pays any other way,” Gladden said and shot him a sympathetic look.

“Nobody move!” Crosswhite shouted as he appeared with a gun in his hand.

Lisbon went to take out her own gun when Jane stopped her. “What are you doing?” She asked as Jane took her hand that was on the gun holder.

“Do you really want to start an argument with a pissed off and possibly confused armed man in front of witnesses?” Jane whispered as Crosswhite came closer.

“Well what do you suggest we do then?” She whispered back but got cut off as Crosswhite ordered them to sit down.

“What we’re gonna do, is that you’re going to hide your gun and badge, and we’re gonna pretend that we’re just two ordinary people ‘till we find out what this is all about.”

“I don’t know if I should trust you, but I wanna see how your plan works out actually.”

“Wow, thank you for your faith,” Jane said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome,” Lisbon replied, her voice too innocent.

“Alright, hid your gun and badge.”

“I don’t have pockets on this jacket,” she said as she lifted her shirt to hide her gun.

“What kind of detective wears a jacket that doesn’t have pockets?”

“What does having pockets have to do with being a detective?”

“Well, for example for situations like these!”

“Right, because detectives find themselves needing to hide their badge when their stupid consultants decide they should pretend they’re hostages everyday!” Lisbon whisper-screamed and Jane huffed as he took her badge and hid it in his pocket. 

“Hey! What are you two whispering about?” Crosswhite asked as he walked over them.

“Oh nothing-“ Jane started as they stood up. “...I was just asking my girlfriend if she’s okay because she’s pregnant.”

Lisbon was quite proud of herself that she didn’t scream out or choke on her saliva because of Jane’s words or that she didn’t jump when he sneaked his hand around her waist.

Crosswhite did a once over and she tried not to react. “She doesn’t look pregnant,” he said as he finally took his eyes off her.

“It’s pretty recent, barely a month, but we’re already nervous. Right honey?” Jane asked and pulled her more in his arms. _Bastard_. 

“Right,” she managed to squeak out and hoped that her voice wasn’t too high pitched.

“Right,” Crosswhite said as he moved to the others.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Lisbon growled as she tried not to push his arm off her.

“I’m merely trying to make my plan work,” he said simply.

“Oh?! So your plan is to continue making up lies ‘till he realizes and decides to shoot us?!”

“Would you relax woman?! I have a great plan that’s going to work if you would just shut up and trust me for once!” He scream-whispered back and she was actually so taken back that she looked at him and silently nodded. 

“Thank you.”

***************

“What’s going on?” Cho asked as he stopped beside Chief Nail.

“Hostage situation, a few people saw a man walk inside with a gun and a few minutes later the doors locked. A few of them identified him as Ron Crosswhite.”

Cho looked at Rigsby. “Wasn’t Lisbon supposed to come here with Jane?” 

“Yeah, she went with him to ensure that he pays for the ticket.”

“Wait a minute, are you saying that two agents are there also?”

“Well, our boss, Special Agent Lisbon and our consultant, Patrick Jane were supposed to come here earlier, not sure if they’re still inside,” Rigsby replied as he dialed Lisbon’s phone.

“She’s not picking up, maybe she has it on silent.”

“Lisbon never has her phone on silent,” Cho replied and they shared a look and the three of them looked at the City Hall again.

***********

“Hey, can you give me your phone for a second?”

“I don’t have my phone, I left it in my car. Why?”

“What? Lisbon why did you leave your phone in the car? You never leave it in the car.”

“Well, _excuse me_ that I thought this is gonna be a 2 minute thing and that I didn’t find it necessary to bring my phone. Besides, what do you need my phone for? Just use yours.”

“I can’t use my phone because the battery is dead.”

“What? How is that possible? You use your phone like 3 times a week, tops.”

“Well yes, that’s why I don’t charge it everyday so there’s a possibility that it just suddenly dies.”

“Oh my, Jane you’re really clueless when it comes to electronics,” Lisbon said and rolled her eyes.

“Let’s not discuss my technological skills right now alright? Especially when we don’t have a way to contact the guys or anyone else.”

“Well and who’s fault is that? If you hadn’t been that stubborn and stood in front of the entrance for 5 minutes, we could already be outside and dealing with it like normal officers of the law. Besides, don’t you have a ‘great plan’ that’s gonna get us out?” 

“I do, I just haven’t thought that it’ll have to happen this soon,” Jane sighed as he started thinking.

“Alright,” he said after a minute. “Just play along,” he said and stood up, pulling her with him.

“Sweetie, are you alright? Are you feeling dizzy?” He started as he took her hand and looked at her.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Crosswhite asked as he stood in front of them.

“My girlfriend is not feeling well, I think it’s the morning sickness, well, more like an _‘afternoon sickness’,_ ” he joked and she wanted to punch him.

“Yeah, um-“ she began and tried to quickly think about what she is going to say. “I feel really dizzy and I think I may throw up.”

“I think that you should let her out,” Jane said and looked at Crosswhite.

“What? No way. Nobody is going anywhere.”

“You really want to have a pregnant woman throw up all around you and possibly pass out? If this whole hostage thing is not gonna get you in prison, this sure will,” Jane said and raised his eyebrows.

Crosswhite looked at her and she tried to look as sick as she could and held onto Jane a little more. He seemed to think for a few moments and then sighed.

“Alright, she can leave but no one, you hear me? No one else gets out. I don’t care if you suddenly get food poisoning or will get dehydrated. You’re staying here!” 

Everyone nodded and he made his way to the entrance with Jane and a ‘sick’ Lisbon in his arms.

When the doors opened, flashlights and guns were the only thing they saw. Jane made eye contact with Cho and with a silent communication, he told him to stay calm.

“Alright, time to say goodbye loverboy,” Crosswhite said as he became impatient.

“Yeah right,” Jane said as he looked at Lisbon, still in his arms and slowly released her but took her hand.

“Okay sweetheart, I’m gonna let you go now. You’ll go to that ambulance and they’re gonna examine you while I go back inside, alright?” He asked and she nodded.

He leaned down and her eyes widened a little. _Don’t react, don’t react, he’s just playing the role, he’s gonna kiss you on the cheek in the last second,_ she thought to herself. But when his lips didn’t make contact with her cheek, but landed softly on hers instead, she stopped thinking and closed her eyes. 

The kiss was soft and quite long, she just started to react when he finally pulled away. She opened her eyes and looked at him, she saw something in his but it went away quickly as he took a step back and let go of her hand.

“Alright, I’ll have to go back now. See you later sweetheart,” he said as they made their way inside.

She managed a quiet “bye” as she made her way towards her team, still in daze.

“What the hell was that?” Rigsby was the first who asked when she finally stood in front of them.

“Um, Jane came up with the idea that we should pretend that we’re just regular people to not get things complicated, and then he came up with a story that I’m his pregnant girlfriend, and that I’m not feeling well so I could come outside and inform you since neither of us has our phones with us,” she replied and was glad that they couldn’t hear her heart pounding in her throat.

“And what’s with the whole kissing thing? Did he snuck a note or a message in your pocket or something?” Rigsby asked and she felt the slap of reality. _Of course, why else would Jane kiss me? You’re so pathetic Teresa._ Her inner voice laughed at her and she actually felt so _stupid._ But when she reached into her pockets, she didn’t find anything, not even her badge. He didn’t use it as a cover for a message, he actually kissed her. She felt a blush coming but tried to mask it.

“Um no, I don’t have anything in my pockets or shirt and I still have my gun so he didn’t take it either.”

“So, then what’s with the whole kiss-“

“Could we actually discuss the case now?” Cho interrupted Rigsby’s question and she shot him a grateful look as she felt a deeper blush coming. _Uh oh._

*************

When she heard the shot her heart stopped for a few seconds. She was glad that Cho and Rigsby were the ones to get Rowley because she would actually _kill_ him if she’d got him first.

But when Jane appeared a few moments later with a hurt woman, she let out a little breath. She got nervous again though, when Jane once again returned inside. 

When he came out for the third time, it was for good and she tried not to look _too_ happy when he appeared in front of her a few moments later. The knowing look he gave her meant that her reaction wasn’t as subtle as she thought.

**************

When she finished interrogating Nail, that son of a bitch who killed Amber, she made her way to the office and sighed as she started packing up. 

She was surprised and quite pleased with Bertram’s reaction to the whole situation, but the pleasant mood changed when she thought back to that afternoon.

Jane kissed her, _kissed her._ And not because of a trick or to send a message. He could kiss her on the cheek if he actually did it because of the role, so why did he kiss her on the lips? She sighed again and finished packing.

“What was that about?” Jane asked as he stuck his head inside her office.

“Oh, just business.”

She took a deep breath. “Listen Jane...that whole...kissing thing today, what was that about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh please! Don’t play stupid with me. Just answer me. Please?”

He sighed and looked at his shoes. “Alright, when I told you I had a plan? The first time? I didn’t have it actually.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“When I told you to pretend we’re regular people, I didn’t know what I was actually planning to do, I just didn’t want things to get messy. And the whole pregnancy thing, I was improvising. I just needed to get you out. And the whole kissing thing? Since I didn’t have a plan or anything, I was thinking that I’m not gonna make it out to be honest. I know it sounds...silly...and not like me, but I tried to hypnotize him when the first shot came so I didn’t think I’d be able to do it again. And I knew that he wasn’t actually planning to kill anyone, but he was frustrated and angry and I was waiting for another stupid officer to shoot and to hit me or make him more angry and do something stupid,” he said the last part quickly and she tried not to make a sound and interrupt him.

“So when I kissed you outside, I was short of...saying goodbye in my mind and preparing myself for the worst.”

“I…” she began but couldn’t find the words.

“I know, stupid huh?,” he chuckled.

“No! It’s not stupid. I’m just...confused I guess. I mean, you could just kiss me on my cheek or something. But why on the lips?”

“You’re really that clueless huh?” He asked and chuckled again.

“Ex...excuse me?”

“You really don’t know how I feel about you?”

“Feel about m...Jane could you please talk in full sentences and actually tell me what’s going on, because I’m losing my mind,” she was getting frustrated. 

“I have feelings for you okay?! I’m attracted to you.”

Lisbon was surprised that she was still breathing.

“Why...why didn’t you say something?”

“For what? For you to react like I’ve just told you that I’ve runned over your dog?” 

“I...what? That just doesn’t make any sense.”

“But seriously Jane, why didn’t you say something before? We could’ve talked about it like normal people and figure something out together. And if this didn’t happen today? Would you even tell me? Or is it funny to see me suffer every day because I’m confused even by my own feelings?!”

“What?,” Jane’s eyes snapped to her face.

“Oh don’t play stupid Jane! You damn well know that I have feelings for you!”

“No...I...what?” He stammered.

She seemed to realize that his reaction was genuine because her eyes widened. “Oh my God, you actually didn’t know?! I thought you could read me like a book!”

“Well, I can’t actually say what are you thinking _all the time_!” 

“Oh my God!”

“So you have feelings for me? Since when?”

“I don’t really know Jane. It just...sort of happened.

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” They both looked at each other and started laughing.

“Now what?”

“Now, I have to...no, _we_ have to find Red John and put him into prison so we could decide what to do with our...situation.”

“... _we? Put him into prison?_ Jane, what happened with killing him and getting your revenge?”

“I’ve been thinking about it and I realized that it’s his plan. He doesn’t plan to get caught, but if he does, he wants me to kill him so he wouldn’t rot in prison and so I would suffer, again. But I’ve decided that I don’t want to suffer anymore, I want to be happy again,” he said and looked at her during the last sentence. 

She had tears in her eyes and chuckled at the absurdity of the situation. “Would it be super risky if I kissed you right now?” She asked in a small voice.

“Asking to kiss me in the CBI Lisbon? And in your office? Where’s the hidden camera?” He asked and started to look around for the effect. _The idiot_. 

“Yeah you know what? I’ve changed my mind. I think I’m gonna head hom-“ she was cut off by his lips on hers and sighed as he gave her the same soft kiss as earlier, but this time a little longer and deeper. Their lips lingered a little bit when they pulled apart and shared a smile. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go make myself some tea and you’re gonna go home before I won’t be able to control myself anymore,” he said and pulled away completely.

She chuckled and nodded.”That’s a great idea,” she said as she kissed his cheek. 

“Good night.”

“Good night. And Lisbon? I’m still not gonna pay for the ticket,” he replied and smiled at her laugh as he watched her go with a soft expression.


End file.
